The answer to “How is it with your soul?” doesn’t always have to be “It is well.”
Because it’s not always well and that’s OK, too.
I’ve been at school for about three weeks now and several little things have become apparent to me. I’ve found that my faith, though it may have been strong in the past, is not the faith of my home church, my youth group, the United Methodist Church, or of my parents. I’ve found that it IS in fact hard to live in such close proximity to another human being and that YES community style bathrooms are sometimes nasty. I’ve found that creating and sticking to a schedule/routine is nearly impossible. And that applies for sleep schedules, too. I’ve found that one A.M. talks with the girls down the hall can open up worlds I’ve never even fathomed. I’ve found that I’m responsible for who I am, the choices I make, and who I hang out with. I’ve found that fun relationships (i.e. friendships) aren’t always the healthiest. I’ve found that there isn’t a need for a best friend when I have a huge group of them. I’ve found that sometimes a two hour long phone call is a necessity. I’ve found that it’s OK to not be OK. I’ve found that in order to feel the rawness of human nature I have to let myself be raw and open and vulnerable.
Just tonight I learned that when I’m feeling spiritually empty, I’m not the only one. I attended a worship service called “Sanctuary” at a local Church of Christ (they did have instruments, CRAZY) with a group of friends and as I was worshipping with a couple hundred other college students from the area I realized that I’m not alone. While I know that doesn’t seem like a profound revelation – we’re reminded all the time that we’re not alone – it was profound. And it was profound because I realized that I wasn’t the only one craving more, seeking God, feeling lost in my daily life. I received a true gift tonight in that knowledge. I left worship feeling drained but restored. I now feel the hope I was once accustomed to and the assurance I’ve known.
I’m leaving the set list from tonight and a quote (unofficially a quote) from a friend of mine who sometimes sets my world back on track, as she did this week, with her voice of reason.
“If it’s in God’s will, it will be fulfilled. If it doesn’t come to be, there’s something better, you’ll see.” – Macy Crone (also, let’s be honest, it still needs the #SuessTheology)